Prison Break in contrived bollocks shocker!

One of the many great things about parenthood is that you stop going out of an evening and, by that virtue, can finally catch up on all the great TV shows you’ve missed over the previous years whilst out on the piss. Sure, it’s easy enough to bounce in and out of the likes of Big Bang Theory, Family Guy and South Park on a whim, but anything with a story arc has to be watched continually from beginning to end to ensure nothing central to the story is missed. Otherwise what’s the point? So, of late I’ve finally managed to start working my way through the first season of Prison Break, a whole millennia after everyone else has seen it!

Now, I’m particularly chuffed that I’ve managed to avoid any inconvenient spoilers related to the show in the intervening years, as it has ensured the major surprises have so far been pretty shocking. As such Prison Break has made for some compelling and gripping viewing, whilst staying true to its contrived roots. Yes, that’s right; in order to generate the requisite entertainment and tension to keep the audience watching, the plotting has to be a little flimsy at best when it comes to realism. Any prison worth its salt would have found the hole behind the toilet by episode seven, and if you think about it for more than a nano-second you’d be left wondering at how the general incompetence of the COs at Fox River have ensured that no one had previously managed a successful breakout. Its complete bobbins (just look at Schofield’s blueprints for crying out loud) of the highest order, but because it’s so fantastically entertaining you couldn’t really give a hoot about the convenient way everything gradually falls into place. It’s a necessity one just accepts.

Well, except for one scene in episode 13, which almost ruins the whole shebang by being a little too unbelievable. This is the episode where Schofield’s crew attempt their first escape using the tunnel to the storeroom under infirmary, only to be denied by the installation of a new air filter system, replacing the one Schofield had eroded away with his acid toothpaste, making access to the infirmary impossible via this route. Earlier in the episode a cleaner had noted the damage to the vent cover in the infirmary with suspicion. 

So, what’s the big deal? Well, the big fucking deal is what a bunch of incongruous scripting bullshit! Do they really expect us to believe that said cleaner would, firstly, remember to report the damage of the vent to his superiors before taking his next tea break; secondly, that some workshy slacker of a handyman would actually get off his arse from a tea break and fix the damn thing before the end of the day; and, thirdly, that said handyman would do anything close to a competent job? Do they take us for idiots? Look, there’s implausibility and then there’s implausibility.

Back in the really, real world, the disabled toilets on the floor of my office have been out of commission for the last six months, with only a note saying that the part to fix the toilet is waiting to be delivered (my arse). Where in the Megaverse are they ordering this part from that it takes more than six months to arrive? Not only that, there's a constant whirring noise from the air conditioning that our facilities team seem unable to fix. They bang the ceiling where the sound seems to be coming from with a spanner, but that's about as effective as plugging the hole in the Titanic with a piece of band aid. Plus it takes them at least three days to get round to inspecting the noise being made, by which time it's driven at least one person insane that they've blugeoned the rest of the office to death with a plastic spoon. General handymen = inept, workshy slackers!

Look, it's not like I don't appreciate silly, daft and unrealistic things in TV shows and movies. I rate Crank 2, Shoot 'Em Up and Hard Boiled highly as stupidly excessive action flicks, but the suggestion that the facilities team of Fox River Penitentiary could even be close to denying Schofield and chums from excaping is clearly unfeasible. For one thing, Schofield and chums are on PI and would be the ones to fix the blasted thing in the first place! Do you see any other general handmen in the show but for the prisoners? Do you bollocks. In this instance the mind of the script-monkey couldn't think of anything better than a reliable facilities service to help stretch the series out for another 11 episodes of convoluted escape shenanigans. Incredulous, I know and it very near sinks the whole programme.

 Oh well, at least they haven't done a flashback or musical episode yet...